General Hospital leading lady and card-carrying soap legend Nancy Lee Grahn has called dibs on John Oliver. After the Last Week Tonight host expressed on his show his sincere desire to play a role on a daytime drama, Grahn took to Threads to announce, “I want him. Alexis needs a hot love interest, and it will be short-term without a lasting commitment since all her lovers eventually become psychopaths and die. 

“John Oliver would make a perfect psychopath,” she added. “It’ll write itself.”

Mind you, Oliver does have a soap-role wish list in mind. (He hasn’t even started, and a diva already? We jest!) “First, I don’t want to play myself, I want to be a character,” he said on Last Week Tonight. “And I want his name to be ridiculous. Also, I want to do something juicy — like murder or slapping or being slapped or being someone’s long-lost something — and, ideally, I’d like a dramatic close-up of my face. 

“But in return,” he continued, “trust me, I will give my all to this performance.”

Though Oliver is best known for his comedy and voiceover work, he does have experience as an actor. The Daily Show correspondent recurred on the sitcom Community for several years.

What do you think? Will General Hospital be able to recruit Oliver the way it once did James Franco (aka the OG Franco)? We just hope that if Oliver sees this post, he won’t be offended that we question-marked out his face in the lead mash-up pic; daytime fans just don’t really care about guest stars. Bold & Beautiful has Morgan Fairchild this week — yes, the Morgan Fairchild — and even then, we’re like, “Eh, that’s nice.”

While you’re here, check out the brand-new edition of Soaps’ Burning Questions. The week’s hot topics include Josslyn’s worrisome unawareness of the day of the week, Carly’s familiar morning-after expression and Jason’s “Wait, what… ?” idea of covering all his bases.